The Ox and The Scorpion: Flirting
Flirting is a funny thing. My friend sent me the Social Issues Research Center Guide to Flirting recently. We are both single and could use a brush up in the art. The article breaks things down quite nicely. It talks about flirting for fun and flirting with intent. It talks about who and how and where. And despite having read this piece, in real life it's not so clear.
A customer gave me his business card at work the other day. Does he want me to call him? Does he just really like his cards? Does he think I'm in the market for a school psychologist? His intent is unclear. And of course, there is always the possibility that there is no intent at all.
I think we were flirting...well, maybe that was just me. Shopgirls are tricky. My shopgirl self is happier, friendly, more helpful than my day to day self. My friends would be amazed. But I think I was flirting, above and beyond the normal shopgirl thing. Was he flirting with me? Hmmm.... There was eye contact and smiling. There were names being exchanged. But it's a fine line between friendly and flirting. It's hard to say.
I would have said we were just being friendly if he hadn't handed me his card. I set it down next to his wallet, giving him the opportunity to take it back. But when I handed him his new shirt, the card was still there. So after giving him his package, I tucked his card into my hand.
So what do I do? Should I call or should I let it go? He's attractive. He has a great voice. He's always seemed nice. The other shopgirls are sighing. Reminding me of what I said, that I was never going to date a customer again. But did I mention that he seemed quite nice? Maybe I should just step up to bat. The worst that can happen is he meant nothing by the card, and I will be a bit embarrassed.
A customer gave me his business card at work the other day. Does he want me to call him? Does he just really like his cards? Does he think I'm in the market for a school psychologist? His intent is unclear. And of course, there is always the possibility that there is no intent at all.
I think we were flirting...well, maybe that was just me. Shopgirls are tricky. My shopgirl self is happier, friendly, more helpful than my day to day self. My friends would be amazed. But I think I was flirting, above and beyond the normal shopgirl thing. Was he flirting with me? Hmmm.... There was eye contact and smiling. There were names being exchanged. But it's a fine line between friendly and flirting. It's hard to say.
I would have said we were just being friendly if he hadn't handed me his card. I set it down next to his wallet, giving him the opportunity to take it back. But when I handed him his new shirt, the card was still there. So after giving him his package, I tucked his card into my hand.
So what do I do? Should I call or should I let it go? He's attractive. He has a great voice. He's always seemed nice. The other shopgirls are sighing. Reminding me of what I said, that I was never going to date a customer again. But did I mention that he seemed quite nice? Maybe I should just step up to bat. The worst that can happen is he meant nothing by the card, and I will be a bit embarrassed.
posted by the grocer's daughter at 9:35 PM
8 Comments:
"The other shopgirls are sighing..." It sounds so much like a musical and you're about to break into song and they're the chorus.
If the only thing you're worried about is a little embarrassment, *definitely* do it. I thought the stakes were scaring away a good customer and thus breaking the Shopgirl's Code.
I think the very fact that you tagged this "Ox and Scorpion" instead of "Adventures of a Shopgirl" means you're ready to call. How's that for blog psychology?
Let me know if you'd like me to write your song.
What is the point of flirting if you don't ask her out? Opportunity gone. Better yet skip the flirting process all together if you can.
The guy wants you to call him. He expects you to make the first move. So call him if you want. Or have one of your friends call him for you. He is attracted to you.
The dude should be embarrassed for chickening out. Not you. Even worse, he put the ball in your court. As far as i'm aware, the giving a person your business card is the way a GIRL asks a GUY out.
That is, a girl says: "Here's my business card. call me sometime."
Whereas the guy is supposed to ask: "what is your number? can I call YOU sometime?
He might not have asked you for a date as a sign of respect for you colleagues. In that case he'll be back.
nightquill: Song and dance or a chorus to a Greek tragedy :) I have to say, that was pretty good on your pop psychology. I do want to call. But of course, I have tendencies towards being forward. For the record, we shopgirls have never scared off a boy, with maybe the exception of one. But the entire store was flirting with him. I think he may have been overwhelmed.
The Single "Friend" (or the great-great-grandson of my great-great-grandfather's brother): Flirting is fun. It gives your day a little kick. And often there is no intent behind it. So I am not certain he actually meant anything by the card.
Personally, I am more comfortable having the boy give me his card. I know some girls don't like to be the one to make the call, but I'd rather not give out my personal information. I also think it's harder to hit on someone when there's a power dynamic... me being shopgirl him being customer. Not only am I a captive audience, it's my job to be nice to him.
i say go for it! what do you have to lose really? i think he handed you his card as a non-threatening way of giving you his number. if he wasn't flirting, he wouldn't have given that to you. i would never give my number to a girl i wasn't interested in. good luck!
I'm a "nice" guy. Most of my friends are "nice" guys. And "nice" guys don't flirt for FUN unless they are married or they know the other person is committed (ie no chance of hooking up) the reason being is that "nice" guys are too afraid of rejection.
Like the SIRC guide says. Men will tend to flirt with intent and the girl with think he is being "friendly" Of course he likes you.
I always ask and give her my contact information. I have sometimes said: would you be more comfortable if I left you my contact information? but I always ask. A girl has got to know.
My main point, though, is this: we are wasting too much time. And flirting is a part of that wasted time. Do something. Make a decision. Be direct. if you like giggling and secret glances, sending subtle signals. fine. engage in foreplay ON the date. Call him. Do you need more encouragment? Call him. Call him. Call him. Call him.
All of this energy spent on wondering... and writing and seeking counsel... and all you want to do is use the number. I understand that part of the point of this exercise is to heighten the experience further. You have accomplished this task, and now we are all vested in the outcome. Do NOT be anticlimactic.
anonymous: You have time to read and post, but not to return my call? Silly girl. I've been gone for almost two months, I'm sure you've gotten yourself into some trouble or another. Please call.
As for the outcome...We all knew I'd make contact didn't we?
He obviously wants you to call. He probably ust wanted to use a little discretion maybe trying to figure you out. Shop girls are always supposed to be nice, sweet, and smiling. He's thinking "is she just doing her job? Or is she really flirting back? Definately Call him. What's there to lose?
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